Depression and writing
“There are things which a man is afraid to tell even to himself, and every decent man has a number of such things stored away in his mind.” F. Dostoyevsky
Somebody commented once on my work as being “downward spiral of fleeting magnitude into discontent and sadness.” It made me think and ultimately acknowledge the fact that whether it is fictional writing or biographical, crafting a story is an involved and demanding process. Involved because it requires full attention and demanding because complete honesty and courage facing personal demons and dark places are essential in good, unforgettable writing. It makes memorable literature and it places it on a visceral and undeniable emotional human scale.
Do I go in dark places when I write? Absolutely.
Back when I was growing up, nobody dealt honestly with depression, and adding insult to injury, depression was perceived as a sign of weakness, failure and a step back on the evolution ladder .(In retrospect it looks like the equivalent of a social wedgies). I am pondering now if this old school ofthought was failure proof. Today, many from my generation are great over achieved professionals, pillars of their communities, some even with potential political careers looming in their future. Others entered middle age carrying a degree of bitterness, compulsion, denial, and addiction. .
Where is the balance ?
Kierkegaard was quoted saying:
“In addition to my other numerous acquaintances, I have one more intimate confidant. My depression is the most faithful mistress I have known -- no wonder, then, that I return the love.”
Point is, honest writing is liberating for both: writer and reader. I write about betrayal, about love and general human condition be that at its best or at its worst and what I managed to figure out so far is that just like a spotting a genius, nothing makes us guess the uniqueness and the unusual of our failures beforehand. It only becomes obvious after wards. It exhorts us to find out why we do things in a certain way . It makes us human, frail, and vulnerable..
Dostoyevsky is a perfect example ofan artist transcending his personal woes into his writing. His work is a collection of existential struggles and journeys from darkness to redemption.
It became clear to me this way, that in order to deliver memorable literature, a writer, cautiously and somewhat skillfully, uses entire arsenals of psychological and emotional weapons .
As a result, I own and control my melancholy the same I own my emotions and my intelligence .
Writing about the black dog (and, by the by, does anyone still call depression that?) is a fine line between getting across the desolate mindscape of a character and depressing the reader. I've always liked moody characters, so I'm not completely unbiased.
There was a really interesting link found a while ago between depression and genius, with numerous writers, artists and musicians highlighted as being reliant upon their depression to fuel works of outstanding quality. I'd like to think, however, that being completely miserable isn't the entire point of such works.
And - for some reason - I now can't get Marvin the paranoid android out of my mind. The doomsaying utterances are just so beautifully crafted that once they lodge in my brain it is like having a catchy song stuck there...
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I think I am old enough to still call it the black dog thus be totally uncool on top of being depressed ....
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I think the black dog image works, and often I feel like it's creeping behind me, nipping at my heels...always ready to jump and overwhelm me. It's a battle we share...let's grab it by the throat and strangle it.
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what was the saying ?
"Digressions, objections, delight in mockery, carefree mistrust are signs of health; everything unconditional belongs in pathology."
Something like that...
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